on lots of things

When I have a lot on my mind and need to organize it, I would like to say that I refer back to one of those handy Venn diagrams and/or flow charts that I spent countless hours of my grade school life trying to understand.  As we all know, they actually have some use in 1% of real-life situations, none of which I have ever found myself in, so I resort to something that is obviously much more primitive and appeals to most species of mammals...specifically, a list.  So this is what you get, all you mammals out there.

1. Glenn Beck's "Restoring Honor" Rally

If there's one thing that irks me more than radical liberals, it's the banking-so-hard-to-the-right-you're-going-in-circles conservatives.  And circles, quite honestly, are what I feel like a good number of conservatives have been going in.  I hear a lot of griping and not a lot of game-planning.  Yes, from everything I've seen, the country has taken a conservative turn since the Obama administration, but that doesn't mean the Republican party can just point fingers and dump figurative tea all over the place without giving me some answers.  Saying "Obama hates God and once he's gone the country will be better" is not enough.  Also, while you're on the subject of actually coming up with solutions, can you please remove Sarah Palin from your agenda?  I've heard her speak a few times before, but this rally was the last straw.  She said zero useful or pertinent things--which doesn't surprise me, because I don't think I've ever heard her say anything useful or pertinent--and is about as motivational as late-night infomercials.  Hillary Clinton may not be someone I want to eat at my dinner table--EVER--but I at least have confidence in her ability to get things done.  I barely have confidence in Sarah Palin to tie her shoes.  Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but can you imagine if the president died and SHE were our first female president?  I would probably die from shame.

Also, Glenn Beck, I pretty much rank you with Stephanie Meyer.  By that, I mean that when people say, "Oh, you're Mormon!  Like Glenn Beck, right?" as if you are part of our theological canon, I grit my teeth a little and say something like, "Yes, I am...and no, I'm not like Glenn Beck.  No, I do not like Twilight.  No, I do not support Mitt Romney solely because he is a Mormon.  But thank you for asking."  Don't get me wrong--I agree that our country would benefit from tapping further into its religious roots.  This is, after all, a country founded by (and majorly occupied by) a God-fearing people.  However, I feel that holding your rally on the day of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s march was wholly distasteful and inappropriate.  I also feel that giving your remarks on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, on the site of "I Have a Dream," was conceited and, again, inappropriate.  I listened to you speak, desperately trying to find out what the heck "Restoring Honor" even means, and all I got from you was a call to pray more fervently.  I probably don't need to remind you that faith without works is dead, and that God expects us to act on our prayers; however, I didn't hear much advice on what those actions are supposed to be.  We have brains and bodies for a reason.  Another reminder: the Founding Fathers were pretty set on separation of church and state...obviously.  So what exactly are you trying to restore America TO?

If this was all about the fact that Obama pulled troops out of Iraq just days later, save your breath.  That was long overdue.  And for the record, Ricky and I just registered as Independents in Florida.  No, seriously.

2. Ricky is cheating on me with law school

Ok, ok, I expected him to be studying all day, every day--I really did.  The only problem is that I have about 1/2 a friend here in Florida, if you count Zelda the cat.  I would seek refuge in befriending my grad school classmates, but they all live a good distance away and most of them are older with grown-up jobs and backyards.  All the couples at church have 2+ children and are subsequently never, ever available to do things like jump off a bridge or play Catch Phrase. (We did find one young, married, childless--YMC, for short--couple at church last week who seems hip and cool.  Friendship pending.)  You'd think that being home by yourself all day with no responsibilities would be awesome, and it is...for like, a week.  Then you lose all motivation to do anything and sit around in pajamas all day.  I'm the kind of person who needs structured days to function, because once I start feeling productive (like at school or a job) it's easy to steamroll through all my other tasks and feel super awesome about myself.  If I have nothing to do all day but load the dishwasher, I'm going to waste a lot of time playing Super Smash Bros. on the Wii.  And I do.  Does anyone else feel like that?

3. The cat is still alive

Go me!  I can't grow plants or keep fish alive for longer than a month, but it's been two weeks and I have been a model cat parent.  I even bought her a hugely giant scratching post online because the one we bought her from the pet store was so pathetically short that she had to lie down to use it.  She likes to climb up said giant scratching post and cling to the side, reminding me of King Kong and Ricky of Spiderman.  She doesn't bother with her cat bed (I should've known better than to even buy one) and instead likes to sleep in the bathtub, under the bathroom sink (she opens the cabinets with her head), and in our boxspring.  Yes, IN the boxspring.  Apparently there's a little flap of fabric that opens into it, and once she discovered it she would disappear for hours before we discovered where she was hiding.  Zelda is the weirdest and most awesome cat I've ever met.

4. Rich people in Florida give a lot of practically new things away

If I thought living near W&L was awesome for thrift store shopping, it was because I never dreamed of the extravagance of southern Florida.  Yesterday, I bought Kenneth Cole NY heels for $5.  A few weeks before that, it was a pair of Marinelli heels for $7.  Before that, the 2nd season DVD set of Seinfeld for only a couple dollars.  See what happens when I have nothing to do all day?  I bargain shop.  It's not as expensive as regular shopping, but just as addicting. 

5. THE MOLD IN MY LIVING ROOM IS GONE

We pulled up the carpet, found nothing, sprayed mold killer on every crevice, and steam cleaned the heck out of the corner area of carpet.  After (very) periodic checks, we're still mushroom-free!  Yay!  (Elizabeth, I will grudgingly admit that you were right and I was over-reacting, but I don't care because there was fungus in my house and it was super gross.  So there!)               

6. Grad school is not the same as SVU

And by that, I mean it is not as awesome.  One of my professors is great, but the other one never asks the right questions for discussion and I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to be learning.  Plus, most of my classmates say things like, "I don't think this is right, but..." and "I don't really know, but..." before they answer a question.  It drives me crazy!  You can tell they weren't fostered in a discussion kind of environment, so hopefully they'll grow into it.  In the meantime, I munch forcefully on Cheez-its and try not to lecture anyone on giving assertive answers.  You're all judging me right now for being a huge jerky snob, but I'm not going to pretend like you don't expect a certain degree of classroom elitism from me already, so here it is.  I don't even share my Cheez-its with them or anything.

7. I'm super uncomfortable around extended family that I hardly know

I know this because Ricky and I spent last Friday and Saturday at my grandparent's house in Miami for Labor Day weekend, and there were a lot of people there (whom I did not recognize in the slightest) who kept saying things like "You look the same as you did 12 years ago!" and "You're 21?  You look 17.  You're married?!" and "You have the same hair as your Aunt Rachel."  I know that everyone has these relatives, so if you've come up with an appropriately polite response for these remarks, please--I beg of you--share them.  As it stands, I throw out something like "thank you" with a slight rise in inflection at the end to indicate that I'm straddling the offended fence and flash a smile just genuine enough to appease but not full-blown enough to signify pleasure.

I probably should've warned you that this post would have no pictures and probably nothing to interest you, period, but disclaimers take all the fun out of everything.  Plus, aren't you impressed by my list-making?  It's not a Venn diagram, but maybe next time if you're lucky.

on the subject of Florida

I've discovered that the only way to motivate myself to blog is to read the most recent entry of every single blog I follow, even if they haven't been updated in a thousand years.  In fact, this is the IDEAL situation, because I begin to think, "Holy jeez, Robin/Elizabeth/Megan Bauer/Sara George-Kreider/various other bloggeritas, why haven't you updated your blog so that I can read about the life you are leading oh-so-far away from mine?" (Robin is the exception to this, because she is close, but I still like to see pictures of video games and bacon and the like, so there.)  Directly after these indignant thoughts stew for a moment, I then realize that my own poor, neglected blog has been lonely for like, six weeks.  Do you realize how long a wait that it in cyberspace?  They should have a Blog Protection Services agency to take blogs away from people like me--the people who promise that they're ready for the commitment and then shirk away from all updating responsibility.  (As a side note, they probably already DO have "the BPS," but it's probably part of the FBI and they hunt down people who use blogspot to plot terrorism, or something.)

In other, less conspiratoral news, Ricky and I made a road trip to Florida last weekend!  As usual, I did not take any pictures, mainly because all we did was look at a quantity of apartments that exceeds the number of X-files episodes ever seen by a certain SGK, and I didn't think anyone wanted to scroll through repetitive panels of off-white walls and beige carpet.  I figured this extensively long (15 hours) road trip would be a great time to start a new hobby, since reading in the car makes me motion-sick. (I still try every time just to see if I've outgrown it.  Next year?)  So, I bought some eggplant-colored yarn, a crochet needle, and set off to become the new starlet of crochet-dom.  To give you some backstory on my yarn-related experiences, I used to knit.  In the 4th grade, to be specific.  My school had a knitting club, but it was run by a teacher whom I loathed to my pre-pubescent core, so I refused to join...but still wanted to knit.  I expressed this to my better-than-the-knitting-club-lady teacher, who then sat me down and helped me knit a blanket.  "I'm a blanket-making prodigy!" thought my 9-year-old brain, who then promptly lost all interest and moved on to Pokemon cards.

So there I was, over a decade later, trying to dredge up some elementary school crafting expertise as I branched out into the exciting world of crocheting.  After a lumpy 4x4 square comprised of all the basic stitches in my "how-to" book and some enthusiastic praise from Ricky (you see why I married him), I went back to eating Cheez-Its and watching Strong Bad emails on my iPod.  My attention span hasn't matured much since age nine.  Maybe one day the post-married crafty gene that seems to be popping up in 90% of people (and blogs) I know will activate and suddenly I'll be whipping up wall hangings and baby shower gifts and maybe even care enough to save up for a sewing machine.  Or, I could just continue to kick everyone's collective rear end at Super Smash Brothers.  Whichever.

What was I blogging about?  Florida.  Right.  Fast forward 14 hours from the crochet episode, and Ricky and I--after passing Disney World (with exchanges of "WE ARE SO CLOSE TO DISNEY WORLD!") and Tampa ("WE ARE SO CLOSE TO THE YANKEES' SPRING TRAINING FIELD!")--are in beautiful, rich, manicured Naples, Florida.  Did I mention I got three nights at our hotel for $140 total (including taxes and booking fees)?  I did.  Bargain hunting should be an Olympic sport.

Seriously, though, Naples is gorgeous.  I mean, the town was (really) named after Naples, Italy, because the people who founded it thought it compared in beauty.  That sounds greats and everything when you're reading it, but being there is entirely different.  It's not often that I'm excited to move someplace--I really looooooathe (I hope your mental voice held out that "o") uprooting--but I'm excited to live in Naples.  We toured Ricky's law school (loved it!), visited the beach at night (a requirement), and even went to the movies (Prince of Persia for $3 each!  The movie wasn't that great, but hey--three bucks!).  There are so many ethnic restaurants in that city that I'm pretty sure we're going to be cardboard box-living broke within a month of moving, especially now that we've discovered this totally authentic, totally delicious Greek place.  There's also a Mexican place called "Mr. Tequila," which is obviously the English-speaking twin of "Don Tequila," and we took that as a good sign.  (We're going to call it "Mr. T's," in honor of good old "Donny.")  It was a struggle to leave, let me tell you.  In-between apartment shopping, we even toured Florida Gulf Coast University--the place where (fingers crossed) I'll be starting my English M.A. program in August!  I say "fingers crossed" because I haven't finished my application yet (I'm taking the GRE this month), but I've got a good feeling about it.  The original application deadline was in February--well before we knew we were moving to Naples--so I thought I was out of luck.  When I called the head of the program to beg for an exception, however, she told me that the deadline had been extended until August!  If I hadn't been trying to pass myself off as a mature, responsible, emotionally stable adult over the phone, I would've cheered.  Instead, I went with, "I'm quite pleased to hear that!" or something around that level of lameness.

Speaking of school: a lot of the apartments we looked at were "income-restricted," meaning you couldn't make over a certain amount if you lived there. (I'm sure you're not surprised when I tell you it's a government thing.)  Cool, fine, whatever--but you can't have both renters going to school full-time, either.  That was what killed the deal for Ricky and me, because he wants me to be able to go back to school if I want to...and, obviously, I do. (Enough to pay out-of-state tuition for a year until I get FL residency, even!  Sigh.)  Therefore, we picked someplace else.  Two bedroom, two bath, carpeted, and even a separate dining area, which is a serious step up from our current apartment.  It's practically a just-under-1000-square-feet palace. The best (or worst) thing about being graduate students is that they allocate living expenses in your student loans, which means that Ricky's student loan amounts are absolutely through the roof, but it gives us the money to pay off our entire lease up-front.  (When I saw the dollar signs, I had to keep telling myself that this is how 95% of everyone pays for law school.  Otherwise, I was going to pass out.)  This is an extra blessing given the fact that jobs in Naples are few and far-between, and I probably won't be able to find anything until we move down there.  Worst case scenario, I take Master's classes and don't worry about being a grown-up with a job ever again!  :D

I promise I'll put pictures up of our new apartment once we're there.  Or, better yet, you could just come visit!  We'll have no friends and a second bedroom, so why not import some already-established friends to Naples?  Eh?

On our way back from Florida, we stopped overnight in Charleston for a blitz visit with some of my long-time gal pals (and guy pals, even).  We attempted to visit Waffle House at 1:00 am once the Sabbath was over, but the federal holiday weekend struck and the place was packed with potheads and some seriously wasted 20-somethings.  Back in the car to IHOP (I definitely wrote that as "iHop" just now)--less crowded, but it took forever to get our food!  FOREVER.  We didn't get back to Alaina and Thomas's townhouse until 5:00 am.  Birds were chirping!  Ricky and I consider this a huge breakthrough for married couples, because we have yet to know anyone personally who has gotten married and stayed out this late.  The lack of sleep did have me making a fool of myself, of course, but what are high school friends for if not for accepting you as an idiot? :)  Special thanks to Lainy and Thomas, who let us crash at their house even though they were (literally) moving in when we got to Chas.  They are, quite possibly, the coolest people to ever exist. 

So there you have it, friends.  Another traveling adventure in the lives of the Jensens.  We also went to a Yankees/Orioles game in April, which I just remembered that I forgot to blog about, but trust me when I say it was good...and cold.  And the Yankees lost.  But Ricky bought me hot chocolate and a pretzel, and we had a great view, and Ricky was happy to be there, and baseball is much more exciting in person, so it was still good.

In later April, we went to Monticello, home of the oh-so-famous Tom Jefferson, whom I don't really like much as a person but have to respect as the author of the Declaration of Independence.  My verdict on the house: definitely cool, but I wouldn't pay the money ($23 each!!) to go again.  I'd just walk around the beautiful grounds.  Ricky and I have a list of historic VA sites to visit before we leave.  Williamsburg is next on the list!

We also booked a bed-and-breakfast in Palmyra to go see the Hill Cumorah pageant in July!  Neither of us have been before, so I bought the room as Ricky's graduation present.  We're stinkin' excited.

As a closing note (and perhaps the best part of this entire post), I got to play Scrabble with Professor Dransfield--and won.  We're having a rematch, of course, but seriously.  It was awesome.